I might not be able to give you the sun, and moon- but, I promise to always love you all as constant as them! :.)
-Amanda Magee Wilson Hagerman
Photography by- Christina Lockhart
Book: Forsaken Fellowship
MY GREATEST FOE
You’ve been called out into the ring to face your greatest component. Your pumped- Your heart is racing- Your fire is ignited within you!!! Your tired of the battle- the arrogance- the constant voice compelling you too quit trying “YOU’ll NEVER OVER COME ME(hahaha)!!” You’ve been pushed down, knocked down, left confused, and broken! You are angry- frustrated- but the fight hasn’t completely left your heart- that’s why you’re standing ready to fight, again- this battle has seemed relentless! Your component enters the battle ring- the bell rings, the cloak in removed- the battle begins! Your eyes are awakened- astonishment captures you, as you behold the face of yourcomponent. This face is all to familiar- it’s as if your be holding your own face in a mirror. Your enlightened to find out that your greatest enemy is YOU!
- -Amanda Hagerman
Jealousy within a heart!
“King” Saul had seething hatred towards “little” David- conceived by a deep dwelling jealousy! Saul’s EGO was threatened by David’s courage, which fueled the fire within Saul’s heart- moving Saul to destroy the source of his unhappiness! Saul recognized David’s bravery, love, strength, faith, potential. David had a heart of true king, and after God’s own! Saul wasn’t worried about what was best for his people, No!!! Saul’s main concern was HIMSELF…. ME, MYSELF, & I..
Sounds pretty much like our leadership today doesn’t it?
Saul’s pride led to his fall, and David’s “little” humble heart led him to the palace.
Was David perfect? No!!! But, he had the humbleness to admit it!
Imperfection
The true heart of humanity is awakened- when the conception of perfection is removed. When we SEE error boldly, without underestimating the value of that individual, LOVE is established. When we underestimate the worth of others- we lower our own value- by wrong thinking that we are somewhat superior, greater, better!
Some might be better off then others, but none is of us is of greater or lesser importance. The judgement you pass on another will magnify God’s expectation of you (Better be measuring up to the standards you set on others). -Matthew 7:1-3
Don’t measure people by the standards you set but, rather by the standards you LIVE!!
Reality says, the ground is level at the cross. The distance of my knees, and the alter might differ from yours- but I can guarantee your prayer isn’t any greater then mine- if prayed from a sincere heart.
It’s not of our own good that humanity excels, it’s by grace, and grace alone! The drug addicts, and alcoholics life is persevered by Grace, Mercy, and God’s unfailing LOVE! Lives are spared daily, and retrieved from deaths grip, by the hands of grace! You and I are here today thriving because of grace! It’s by God’s grace, and love that we live, move, and have our being! It’s not because of YOUR ability, it’s that God IS ABLE to do exceedingly, and abundantly above ALL that we could ask or think!
When error within humanity is acknowledged with a heart of LOVE, people pray, and change comes!
When error within humanity is acknowledged without LOVE, people talk, gossip, lie, undermined, misconstrue, discredit, and devalue!
It’s a federal crime to deface money, right?
Well, it’s spiritual murder in the eyes of God to deface his creation whether saved, or not?
Concern is one thing, but something’s are right down ugly, nasty, spiteful, and ridiculous!!
Lord help us!!
-Amanda Maree Wilson Hagerman
Riley Edward Hagerman & Jason Dean Hagerman jr.
One day your eyes will see- One day you will understand all the mysteries, my mouth couldn’t utter. One day you will understand why I cried, why I hurt but, right now your heart is unable to fathom it, nor handle the truth. One day you’ll know why I let go, of the thing I wanted more then anything. I’d gladly walk 10,000 miles for you, give my last breathe to you- dive head first into my greatest fear, just to pull you out of danger. Life wouldn’t be as perfect without you in it. Your my treasure, my little piece of heaven. If today, I could make a choice to erase all other choices that has brought you hurt… I would but, I can’t. You are stretched between a ocean and to very different bodies of land. I LOVE YOU!
21 Day Daniel Fast 2014
Written on April 14th 2014
Yesterday, and today out of all 12 days has been the hardest for me. I am at war with the enemy of my mind, heart, spirit and soul. In the midst of the shouting, dancing, and rejoicing last night- I stood masking a deep inner burden from the Lord, and why? Only God knows the reason- reasons I may never fully understand until I awaken in His likeness, and image. During the last 12 days, I am felt a stirring- a rearranging- a change taking place with me. I have felt a pouring out- a wringing out- and emptying out within the depths of my inner most being. Last night I wrestled- I prayed, and I cried myself to sleep. I fought against the enemy of my soul until peace came reigning over me- and there I rested under the shadow of the ALMIGHTY.
Today, I have been reflecting on burdens (because I seem to pick them up VERY often)- which has taken me on a journey into the word of God. We live in a dark time, and as prayer warriors, and messengers of God- sometimes we find ourselves broken a lot. Not from defeat, but as a burden bearer- bearing one another’s burdens as the word commands us to do- pulling others to victory when they can’t themselves. This journey today brought me to Isaiah’s messages, “The burden of the desert, and the sea”- “The burden of the valley of visions”- “The burden of Tyre.” I thought upon Jeremiah who was known as the brokenhearted messenger of the Lord- the’weeping messenger’- who wrote an entire book of the bible titled Lamentations- a tear stained portrait of beauty turning to ashes. We are seeing that very same portrait within America, and the church world today- it’s enough to make any man/women weep before the throne of God. But, so many have became callused and hard towards the affairs of others, and it is sad. I thought on God’s reoccurring messages to Ezekiel, “Take up a lamentation for the princes of Israel”- “Take up a lamentation for Tyrus” “Son of man, take up a lamentation for Pharaoh king of Egypt.”
I feel within my heart and soul God is calling His people to “Take up a lamentation for the addicts”- “Take up a lamentation for the world”- “Take up a lamentation for the church”- “Take up a lamentation for the youth”- “Take up a lamentation for your family”- “TAKE UP YOUR CROSS AND FOLLOW ME!!!” Was it easy breezy for Jesus to take up that cross for us, NO! But he did. It’s time we STEP away from our ‘comfort zone’ of spiritual death- from the things that make us ‘feel’ at ease, and step into the suffering that is required.
We say, “There is power in the name of Jesus” and there absolutely IS, but are we really plugging into the man that gives power through that name? Are we truly committed to the power of that name? Are we surrendered to the power of that name? Are we walking according to the word, and the power of that name? Only your heart, and my heart can answer these questions, and judge ourselves. Cause when we are plugged in- then when we speak HIS NAME it WILL hit the target and bring GREAT results. Not a ‘going through the motions thing.’ Or is, “I am praying” just a word we use without any action that aid to pillar beneath it? No weeping? No concern? Just empty words!!
I am not complaining about the burdens, I am praising God through them. And I know when the work is finished and the victory, and purpose is accomplished within me. Even if not here, one day I will be released. :.)
I’ll Dance Again
Though I feel so unworthy- of the call to the ballroom floor.
I lift up my heart to heaven- as I dance before the Lord.
Surrendering to the movements- as You take the lead.
Unaware of what is next- I trust You with ALL that’s within me.
Before the orchestra of Thy host- I shall waltz into Your will.
Swaying to heavens rhyme- my troubled heart is stilled.
Embraced in Your arms I’m comforted- blinded to the audience I am before.
Lost in in your radiant splendor- there is nothing I desire more.
Then to be surrounded by Your Divinity- Your Majesty- & Your Love.
Your glory descends upon me- like the gentleness of a dove.
Written by~ Amanda Maree Wilson Hagerman
Author at: http://www.wordpress.com
Title: Forsaken Fellowship
Dance Anyway
Dance Anyway
Early this morning I had a dream- it was a dream that ‘seemed’ unimportant, insignificant, & trivial.
But, the more I pondered upon it- the more I realized it was VERY important- not just to me, but to others as well.
God knows the struggles, and battles me and my family have been undergoing- and how at times I have felt such a weight of pressure upon my shoulders- I could literally feel my knees beginning to buckle.
I have found myself in a place here lately that is dark, joy has ‘seemed’ beyond my reach.
The heavens have ‘seemed’ as though they have been brass.
I have felt discouraged at times, and down cast within my spirit.
I have felt bounded, all the while I had been praying more then I ever have.
Trying to draw closer, but the doorway of God throne ‘seemed’ to grow further and further away.
Like a treadmill of emotions- I was moving- walking- but getting no closer to what I wanted, or needed.
This is how I have felt…
Yet, I have pressed, and pushed myself to keep going forward in spite of it.
Early this morning after the kids was off to school- I had a dream.
I dreamed I was peaking around a old log cabin- where I heard a conversation taking place.
I could tell by the looks of these people they was poor, and having hard times, and struggles.
I seen a women, and one of her daughters sitting on this porch, while the other was standing in ragged clothing.
I could feel a deep depression within that young girls heart, as she stood there bare footed and covered in dirt.
When I heard her mother say, “Child put on your dancing shoes- and dance anyway.”
The little girl muttered softly, “Mom, I can’t dance, I just don’t want to dance anymore.”
You could hear the discouragement within her voice.
When the mother said sternly, “I didn’t ask you, child- I am telling you!”
I seen a beautiful pair of dancing shoes beginning handed to this youth girl, and I knew..
she would dance anyway!
I knew this girl was me, I haven’t had the dance in my feet.
I haven’t had the shout in my lungs.
I have been discouraged, hurt, and battling on every side.
I have felt lower then a piece of dirt, and like my dance didn’t matter or mean anything to anyone anymore.
Like nothing I have did, or done was EVER important.
Have you been there?
I have felt I have been the complaint on more lips that I would care to know about.
I lost me in the battle,
I lost my dance in the fight,
I lost my joy in the wondering,
I lost my hope, and my courage in the storm of afflictions.
It has ‘seemed’ the praying hasn’t been helping.
All the obedience in the world wasn’t helping.
Just a blinder from the enemy, I am guessing?
God spoke volumes to me in this dream- He is simply telling me to dance even when I don’t feel it.
That my ‘dance’ matters- if not to anyone- it matters to Him.
Someone somewhere out there needs the ‘dance’.
They need to understand we CAN dance amongst the heartache, and pain.
I might not EVER realize what my dance means to others,
or how much my life is reflecting God’s love, compassion, and strength to a lost world.
But, we/ I’ have to dance anyway.
It’s a dance of faith, we must dance this dance even when the understanding isn’t clear.
Just dance anyway!
( The Dance Poem)
Though I feel so unworthy- of the call to the ballroom floor.
I lift up my heart to heaven- as I dance before the Lord.
Before the orchestra of thy host- I shall waltz into Your will.
Swaying to heavens rhyme- my troubled heart is stilled.
Surrounded by Your Divinity- Your Majesty- & Your Love.
Your glory descends upon me- like the gentleness of a dove.
By Amanda Maree Wilson Hagerman
Author at http://www.westbowpress.com
Book Titled: Forsaken Fellowship
Your Not Going Under
Maybe your in the midst of one of the greatest storms of your life.
Your ship is beaten, and battered by the constant waves of doubt.
The winds of change are blowing with a fury- while Satan whispers words of defeat, failure, & hopelessness- bringing your heart to fear, and turmoil.
You fight to keep your little ship a float- but can feel the water rushing in on every side.
You witness as your precious- most valued possessions are being carried away by the fierceness of the waves.
You cry out to heaven, “WHY GOD….. WHY?”
The night has been long, and it’s been dark.
You find yourself holding tight to only a fragment of your ship- with land in sight- but your finding it hard to press towards it- for your heart is in constant reflection on what was lost, rather then what has/will be gained.
I’ve been there so many times.
But Friend, God works best in troubling times- when your strength fails, your reasoning fails, all resources ‘seem’ to fail- your friends and family fail…
God stands sure, and unfailing before you.
He IS steadfast, and always on the move for you.
He IS faithful, and IS bringing the best out of ALL our VERY difficult situations- even when we can’t see it.
My battles aren’t any easier or any harder then yours- even though it might have came at me from a different angle then yours- still we ALL suffer for the cause of Christ.
And we ALL have a relentlessness enemy who is ALWAYS trying to stir up trouble for God’s children.
We might can count a lot of painful loses in this Christian walk- but if we could just see all that we have secured or has been secured, and gained by serving Him- we would count it all joy!
I am a women that is acquainted with sorrow, but I am MORE acquainted with the healer of ALL afflictions and pain- I even know Him by name… JESUS!
Don’t drowned in the shallow water, Friend.
You made it through the storm, and you can make it through this.
~James 1:2 “My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.”
~ 2 Corinthians 4:17 “For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.”
Written By: Amanda Maree Wilson Hagerman
DO IT AFRAID
Last night I found myself in deep prayer- with a broken spirit!
I felt I had taken a nose dive into the very depths of heartache- in a place no one wants to be.
It felt hopeless, as my heart was turned to turmoil.
Lately I have been here a lot- and I have found myself asking a great deal of questions…
God, have I sinned against heaven and earth?
Forgive me, Lord!
God, is there a purpose I am not seeing in this?
God, why am I here?
God, have I upset you?
When will release come?
God, I have been faithful.
I know that: MANY ARE the afflictions of the righteous, and that God SHALL deliver us from them all-
My question has been when?
I know that: ALL things(Good and Bad) work together for the good to those that LOVE God and who ARE the called according to His purpose-
So, I have patiently waited!
I know that: When the enemy shall come in like a flood that the Spirit of the Lord SHALL lift up a standard against him.
So I have placed my trust in you, Lord!
I know that: YOUR thoughts towards me are for good and not evil to bring me into an expected end.
So, I stand in faith, hoping, trusting, & believing YOU above ALL the noise of the enemy roaring around me-
even though it has been hard.
I am trying to keep my eyes above the waves!
My cry has been of this:
“Lord, I do not understand- yet I trust YOU, and in that I find the confidence to press- & when I press- & the barrier remains steadfast before me- as a high wall- I remain even more steadfast- with my feet locked within your will- for YOU ARE by my side, and with patience I wait for YOUR guidance- knowing that YOUR in control- subduing ALL the barriers before me- in YOUR time, while strengthening my endurance while I wait. “
Recently, I haven’t known whether to move, or stand still?
I am one who loves to move with God, and go, and do.. But I have stood still, and what for I have not been sure?
Until last night’s dream.
I dreamed I was being offered a really good job, and I was so excited about it
– but I wasn’t sure how to get to it.
So I ask someone who knew the area better then myself.
(Meaning someone with experience, and knowledge, because this was all new to me).
They gave me great directions but concluded that it was in a high mountainous area close to the place I was standing.
They had been there- even showed me some pictures.
They said you could look across the entire city from this place.
My heart sunk- I am so terrified of heights!
Yet even after I viewed the pictures – I went onto the job anyway.
When I got there I was greeted by the boss, who put me straight to work.
I worked-
Not even noticing the height I was at, nor how this entire work site was built upon a BIG gigantic rock-
with cliffs all around it.
I mean one wrong move in the wrong direction, and you would have plummeted out into eternity.
The world was like ants beneath us- we was that high up.
I remember I had finished my work, and I was standing around.
I didn’t like this at all, because I knew my boss wanted consistent production.
Even heard them saying, “The work here is finished- time to move up!”
(This is when fear started setting in & and I began to notice all the things around me, and how high I was).
When I looked over to see my work crew heading up this curvy road- going up higher and higher into the clouds-
Until my eyes could no longer view it- chills ran down my spin.
My thoughts began to wrestle within me- as I knew my boss was waiting for me to go, do, and be.
(If God called you to do a task, it is because he KNOWS you can do it. He believes in you).
So as I stand idled by fear- I heard my boss say, “Amanda, Isaiah was afraid just as you are, but he overcame fear by doing what he was afraid of- look at him now.”
When I looked up- I saw him high and unafraid, I saw courage!
Then this man walked down off the road – I was suppose to be on.
He took my hand, and I felt such peace within my soul, and such a love coming from Him.
I remember walking with him forwards this road unafraid, and just as we was ready to walk onto it-
He turned and hugged me, and I kissed His cheek, and he walked on ahead of me.
See: I made a pack with God years ago- I said, “Lord, if you want me to speak something to the church or to someone-
Put your hand in mine, and let me know- and I will speak, Lord”
He has never failed to do just as I ask him.
But, I feel the time has come to wing it!
He hasn’t left me- but gone before me:
Because He knows above my own self- that I WILL DO IT!
Letting me know that just as he did it, and overcame- I can.
And that everything is going to be okay!
Am I afraid, YES!
But courage is doing it afraid!
“I’ll go where you want me to go.
I’ll be what you want me to be.
I’ll do what you want me to do.
I’ll go, I’ll do, I’ll be! “
For promotion comes neither from the east, nor from the west, nor from the south.
But God is the judge: he puts down one, and sets up another.
~Psalm 75:6
Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:
Casting all your care upon him; for he cares for you.
~1Peter 5:6-7
But thou, O LORD, art a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head.
~Psalm 3:3
By ~Amanda Maree Wilson Hagerman
forsakenfellowship 